Transformed!

I am a woman who is a living breathing example of the transforming power of the blood of Jesus Christ! I was reading some of my PPM training material and re-read this quote,"God uses men who are week and feeble enough to lean on him." (Hudson Taylor, missionary to China)
When I read this, amungst many other profound quotes from missionaries and other leaders in the religious community, it wasn't one that jumped off the page and grabbed my attention! When I first read it, we were to pick out which quote (of many) had a profound affect on us. There were others that I thought I was touched by much more!! But, tonight, as I read this again, God spoke to me. He reminded me of a time when I was trying to make it on my own...and failing miserably! Interestingly enough, I have been reminded of that time in my life quite a bit lately. I have reconnected with several old friends who knew me when I was a total disaster! Some of these friends knew that I was a wreck, and some really believed the lie that I was living. It was truly exhausting! I knew that God was there...I was constantly crying out for Him to save me from myself, while still refusing to surrender my sinful nature! What a terrible way to live! I knew no peace, whatsoever! From the time I was 15 until I was 20, I walked in total darkness...walking into the light only long enough to see what a mess I was...and running back into the dark, to hide, again! My selfworth was completely dependent on how the "man of the hour" viewed me! More often than not, I saw myself as worthless. I was so broken. It was really as bad as it sounds, but it isn't a sad story...not at all! I finally got to the point where I was "feeble enough" to lean on Him! I finally let Him begin to cleanse me from the inside out! I was able to see my life for the mess it was...accept it, because He had accepted me, and surrender every single ugly part of my old self! I was finally "weak and feeble" enough to quit running, hiding, and playing games! God rescued me from me! He didn't just take me as I was and send me forward! He took me as I was and began changing my heart, my desires, and conforming my will to His! It wasn't pretty, as we wrestled our way through this transformation! Not that I am in any way compltely transformed...it is a continuous, daily, process, FOR SURE! But, when I finally realized that I was dying without Him...that I couldn't live one more day without Him in the driver's seat...my life was forever changed!!
It really just amazes me that when I was that lost little girl, He knew that I would be where I am right now! I am so humbled to know that He had my precious husband, sweet boys, and my future in missions all lined up for me...He was just waiting for me to surrender! He was waiting to make me pure and righteous through His Son's blood! He knew that I would be here, this day, MADLY IN LOVE WITH HIM!
Transformed by the grace of a patient,kind, gentle, persistent, loving, faithful, Father!